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Posted by eveni f you've got everything going for you!* . on November 10, 1999 at 01:41:41:
In Reply to: s in Naples (you asked for it.) posted by Joe on November 09, 1999 at 23:10:37:
: Many, many years ago, when I was a mere larva in the honeycomb of life, my father was stationed at the American naval base in Naples, Italy. I was just a little tyke when we returned to the U.S. and many years later, my dad decided to take us back, to show us this beautiful country and the place where we spent our young, formative years. Little did he realize the pion and pain he would be unleashing by doing so...
: (In the movie version at this point, an unknown hand is seen turning a brittle, yellowed page.)
: On a crisp morning in Positano, Italy, I awoke with only one thing on my mind – I would find somewhere to watch the Georgetown-Houston championship game that day if it killed me. There had to be a satellite or a TV on an American base somewhere. I mastered the Italian phrase for something like “Where can I find American TV?” and spent much of the day running that by various people with no success. As the day wore on, an American girl approached me. She was working for an Italian restaurant in town and was charged with handing out menus to attract people into the restaurant. She came up to me and said: “Hey, do want to see our menu tonight.” My mind was not working clearly and I gave her my Italian line for “Where is American TV?” (In my defense, I hadn’t heard English all day. I wasn’t ready for it.) She looked at me funny and I repeated my broken Italian, thinking she didn’t understand. “I S-P-E-A-K E-N-G-L-I-S-H,” she said. “Oh, sorry.” We started chatting and she told me she had moved there not too long ago because of her dad’s and would I like to meet her when she got off work to show me around. Her name was Christina (Chris).
: Let me pause here to say that she was the cutest little thing you ever saw. I would describe her as resembling a shorter, younger “whatever that girl’s name from Northern Exposure was.”
: That night we roamed Positano and drank wine at an outdoor cafe. Boy did we CLICK. She was so funny and interesting. She even thought I was funny and interesting and I’d never done anything interesting in my life. She loved painting and made me love it too just by being so excited when she talked about it. Maybe it was only because it was necessarily only temporary (I was there for 4 days) or whatever, but I felt that night that I could happily spend the rest of my life with her and I was not usually the mushy, romantic type.
: Her sister joined us late that night while we were still chatting away and I was feeling high as a kite. Neither of us had access to wheels and her sister obviously thought we were the cutest couple she’d ever seen (we were pretty dam.n cute). She was grinning ear to ear as we talked. She finally said we should go to Capri, the island off Naples, the next day. I remember blessing her with all my heart because I had been trying to determine how best to ask Chris to hang with me the next day. Her sister (I think it was Ann, but it’s been awhile) offered to drive us to the dock where the boat for Capri left the next morning. Chris and I said that sounded like fun. I swear, my friends, I have never felt so excited in all my life – just me and this cute little thing, all alone (except for a few thousand tourists) on this island all day!!!
: My parents gave me the thumbs up. BTW, my dad would remind any of you of Chevy Chase in “Vacation.” He smiled benevolently as I told him my plans.
: The next day Chris and I went to Capri after Ann (?) dropped us off. If you have ever been to Capri, you know what I’m saying when I say that I literally get giddy to this very day when I think of it. Chris and I spent hours drinking cappucino and wandering into the little towns of Capri and Anacapri. But mostly we just made each other laugh. I distinctly recall me joking about one of the tour guides. He spoke about six languages and would give the description of each site (mostly Roman villas) in all six languages as different portions of the group would nod in understanding. I joked that I would show him in sign language that I still didn’t understand. I know, it wasn’t that funny, but I remember it for some reason.
: Anyway, after at least four hours of me wimping out of hitting on her, I pretended to be immensely interested in a touring pamphlet she was reading and stood very close to her. With a grin that said “finally, you shy bonehead,” she turned her head and we kissed softly in the middle of the square. For the rest of the day, we slipped into any hidden area we could find for make-out sessions that were truly savage. Savage and frenzied – behind pillars, bushes, buildings, etc. Of course, there was nowhere to consummate this pion so we eventually settled into another cafe, had some wine and made our way down to the blue grotto in a small boat (again, if you’ve been there, you’re with me on this), caressing each other, smiling and enjoying the sights in a way I’m sure you understand.
: We had agreed to meet Ann at a specific time that day (sometime in the late evening) and we left on the boat back to Naples where Ann picked us up and took me home. I was sitting in the back seat and I remember exchanging glances with Chris who was in the front seat. I didn’t know how to ditch the sister and get us alone – both of our residences were full of people. She walked me to the door of our hotel room and we kissed goodnight and agreed to meet for breakfast.
: Let me tell you that to say my balls were blue is akin to describing Ted Williams as a decent hitter.
: Allow me to jump ahead to the next morning. With a look even more benevolent and sweet than the day before, my parents wished me well as I ventured forth in search of consummation. Chris and I again spent most of our time chatting, wandering the Italian coast and playfully pulling the other over for a hug and the like. I must say that I’d had girlfriends before and this was more than just puppy love accompanied by hormones. We really got along great. Now that I’m happily married, I don’t look back with regret like I used to, but when I was in college and either without a girlfriend or coming off a failed relationship, I would get very depressed thinking about Chris and how I had let the woman who seemed to be my soul mate in every way get away. I would imagine us getting married, returning to Capri, etc., etc. I really used to hurt at times when I thought I had n it big time, although I’m not sure realistically what I could have done to keep the flame going.
: Anyway, that day her parents' home was mostly free in the afternoon and my balls paled to their natural hue. Her parents’ backyard was not far from the Amalfi drive over the water and we spent the afternoon and evening on their bed, floor and back patio. Again, if you’ve been down this beautiful road, you know well what I mean when I say that the view from their back patio was gorgeous. Chris told me that she wanted to live there, but she actually was returning to the states in a year or so (she was from California). She said she wanted to go to art school (Conrad might know her.)
: My family and I went back to the north of Italy for the last leg of our vacation, but I just felt horrible. We had had a pretty tearful goodbye. I told her we’d keep in touch and all that and I obviously got her number and address. We did keep in touch for a while. I never saw her again though and haven’t spoken to her in about ten years or so.
: I’m embarred to admit that I entered her name on an internet search to see if she happened to live nearby not too long ago (I wouldn’t do anything bad), but there were no hits near me or in California – maybe she’s married or living in Italy.
: That’s my story and, storybook as it sounds, it’s as true as my name is Joe (which it is). Maybe my memory is working it up a bit unknown to me but then, that would be unknown to me.
: Joe, also having a enjoyed a few drinks this evening so no mean responses.
: P.S. Not to get too sad and personal, but one of the real reasons my dad scheduled this trip was to get the family's mind off the death of my brother which had occurred a few months before. Talk about an emotional period!!